Okay! So I have to get it out of my system. Yes, I am talking to my near and dear ones and letting out my anger, sometimes surprise and most of the times opinions but now this deserves a wider audience.
Today’s post is a request to all my dear aunties(masi, buva, chachi etc), sisters, in short all the ladies who have sons. Some of you might like it or some of you might question what I say but that is secondary. Primarily, I just want you to listen to a girl’s side of the story. All I am stating in the post today is amalgamation of the stories I hear or read and things I experience. One thing is sure, it’s all TRUE , is happening around us and I refuse to ignore.
Here I go,
In Indian society, when a girl is born , it has been accepted that she is going to be with the parents say for 25-30 years (general range) or let’s say 18 years as girls too go out for education/ work and then they are hardly home. So, parents make most of this time to make a girl independent. Once, the girl is out of her home for any reason , she is on her own.
Well, the same story goes for sons of the house also.
Then, both the genders would be managing daily chores on their own. They know how to wash clothes, in some cases how to cook, how to be in touch with relatives, how to handle situations etc. Because, trust me, no guy roommate would ever wash clothes of guy roommate or pick up his cup of chai 😛
Then, suddenly after marriage, why do you need a girl to take care of all this? What makes you think to tell the WIFE of your SON to wash his clothes, give him food timely keep his cup in the sink, put his plate in sink after dinner?
I know, your answer would be : This is how it works. Didn’t your mother teach you all this?
Well my answer is , Yes, I would willingly do this not because it is my duty or I am his wife but out of love and then there is no need to tell me this. I am his wife and not care taker or baby sitter.
And you would be surprised one day to see your son also willingly gives a glass of water to his wife, cooks when she comes late from the office and tries to help when and however possible.
(Not because he is taught that but because he understands equality more than a lady can understand )
Why it is so difficult for you to digest the fact that a guy can also do domestic chores not because a girl cannot do or do not want to do but because he cares for her. He understands that he is equally responsible to run the house in every aspect.
One thing is crystal clear that in today’s generation, it is not the guy who doesn’t understand the women of the house but it’s the mother in law. 99% of people around me which includes my boy-friends, husbands of my girl-friends, my brothers, my father for that matter who have no issues in helping wife in daily chores.
The issue stands only when they are not comfortable doing it in front of their mothers. Again because they know that his abilities would not be appreciated but his wife’s abilities would definitely be questioned!
The second things which I have observed is the insecurity. Insecurity leads to misunderstanding, emotional blackmail and what not. A mother always wants an independent, smart, educated, compatible wife for the son. Be happy! he got one! He has got one with whom he is immensely happy . When your son stayed with his roommates, the roommate knew more about him than you. Did you get insecure about him? Then what’s the fault of the poor girl?
It’s okay if she knows a little more about him than you. That’s what you wanted ,right? He is obviously more comfortable with her considering the age, field they work in, things they share. Rather than feeling left out, one should try to gel in.
And a wife can never replace a mother and in a same way mother can never replace a wife so what’s the point in comparing apple and orange!
As I said, a mother in law can never be a mother and daughter in law also can never be a daughter. So , no point in wasting efforts and time in there. Why can’t they be friends. Have you ever treated her like a guest? She is always bombarded with responsibilities of how she behave, walk , eat, sleep , wear once she is in your house. Why can’t she be treated like a guest till she is comfortable. We always give our best once guest is at home. We try to do things which guest likes. We try to talk more about the new person and less about ourselves.
Then, why is it different for the daughter in law? She is as good as a guest.Why is it always that she is told about the rituals at your home, you friends, relatives and never be bothered about her part of the life. Things will definitely be different if you try more harder for treating her as one of you instead of making her to take all the efforts to be one of you. 🙂
Believe me but times have changed. You should be proud of your sons and they no more want male dominating society. Girls today do not have to go through what you have been through. Thanks to you that they have understanding husbands. The only hindrance toward progressive society is you. If you decide to the bring the change the next generation will only be grateful to you.
Just observe the way you treat you son in-laws or the treatment your son gets at his in law’s place. I am not asking you do the same for daughter in law but 10% of it will take her to cloud 9. A girl’s family is ready to do anything because their daughter’s life is in your hand. They don’t want to trouble you or your son as ultimately their daughter will have to face the repercussions. Don’t you think the same way while treating your daughter in law. Isn’t your son’s life also connected to her.
The equation is very simple, if you try to trouble the wife of your son, your son is getting indirectly affected. Be sure that they share a bond of sharing and no one holds back anything. So, if you want your son to be happy , keep your daughter in law happy .
This advice is from my granny’s books and trust me it’s tried and tested. I have never seen my mom uttering a single word against my dad.
Please ladies let your sons be free the way you are mentally prepared to set your daughters free. The more the freedom and less judgement , the more they would be connected to you.
At least give this thought a try 🙂
a wife and daughter in law!