Everyone keeps talking about having a baby, taking a chance ..are you trying.. Oh! still no news, consult a doctor yaa.. blah blah blah.Be it your parents, in-laws, relatives, friends you know, people you don’t know, I get a piece of advice about it from every corner of the world around me. But, nobody talks about the ‘why’ part of it. I know why should I , rather , we not delay it, what are repercussions of delaying it, what are the benefits of having it in early age etc etc. Still, nobody has ever enlightened me to understand why should one have a child. Is it because ,”that’s what people marry for”? Is it because we are capable of reproduction? Is it because we need someone to look after us in our old age?
I really want to know, in spite of the rising inflation rate, stress level , global warming and foremost population exponentially increasing, couples want to have kids. Why?
Nobody talks about it. That’s that! I think I sound fool for majority of people reading this but I have this question and I would like to put my theory here. Also, I am open to understand the different aspects of the reason behind it.
My thoughts might be the result of observing people around me who have kids, planning to have kids, who do not want kids at all, Uncle-Aunty I always looked up to or my parents.It might just come from the social circle around me.
Theory 1: 30-40 years ago, the time when marriages were mostly arranged marriages where bride and groom have no idea about who the other person is,there was rare chance of developing an emotional bond. There was hardly anything common between two people. So, have a kid.It’s something which belongs to both and it was believed that it might lead to developing an emotional bond, help partners come closer.
(I fail to understand, how can you get physically closer to someone whom you have no or a tiny emotional connection. I am not the correct person to comment as I don’t belong to that generation and I married a person I was in love with and was comfortable with.)
So, this was one reason where elders advised and couples followed to have a baby.
Theory 2: If there are troubles in marriage.Understanding issue, compatibility issue or any kind of issue, have child! It will solve everything. I have no idea, “how”! It will only complicate things. If two people don’t like each other, how can we possibly believe that they both will love third person and then like each other.
A=B, B=C , therefore, A=C ! This doesn’t always apply to human beings, especially to husband and wife.
Anyways, this is the advice elders till today give to couples having problems in marriage.
Theory 3: Have kids so that you have someone to take care of in your old age!
Now, this I feel the most selfish reason to have child.
I believe that parents sacrifice everything for their children and every parent has done it for their child. But then,if you are doing it thinking that they will take care of you when you need them then it is not a selfless deed. It is an investment.If this is the reason one gives to have kids then my advice is, please invest in some retirement/pension fund.
Parents should do things for a child because they love them, because they want to do every possible thing for child and not because you want something in return from them.
At the same time I also strongly believe that children should be taught to take care of parents in spite of what parents have done for them. The teachings should be that elders are to be taken care of not because of what they have done for you but because you can and you should.
So, keep your reasons straight for giving birth to a whole new human being!
Theory 4: It’s a sheer joy.
I agree to the fact that it is the ultimate feeling of happiness. I personally love kids and I understand how much joy they spread to anyone around them. It’s a beautiful feeling to see someone grow in front of you. Witness every tiny development in a human life.
Above all this,I think it’s the feeling of leaving a legacy behind. The legacy doesn’t always mean the money or property but intangible things. We will be alive through the learning we teach, the habits child inherits and if nothing else at least the genes.
World might not remember us when we are gone unless we are really extraordinary or have done something for society, but then there will be one person who will remember us. It’s the wish to leave a part of us when we are gone!
I unknowingly behave like my father. Apparently, I have picked up my mother’s style of cooking or choice of sarees and there are so many such little things which I think have come down to me as a legacy.
This reason also slightly sounds selfish but then at least you are not forcing anything on a new born. This happens organically and doesn’t seem pushy.
Theory 5: To become a good human being.
Now, I cannot agree more. It is one thing which propels oneself to be a good human being. Nobody wants the child to know his/her parent to be liar or disloyal or any of those qualities which we consider to be bad.
The new born definitely brings a change in couple’s life and of course a good change. In an attempt of inculcating good values in the baby, one automatically turns into a good human being. People actually try and be the change they want to see in the child.
Not to digress from the topic but I still think the definition of joy is ‘to each his own’. We cannot decide what makes another person happy. I have seen many couples without kids and it’s a voluntary decision. Sometimes, it’s the company of partner which is enough to keep them happy, sometimes it’s the work which completes the incompleteness and sometimes it’s just the mutual decision of not taking the responsibility of a new human being.
I would love to know your part of the story for having a child so even I know I am doing right things for the right reason 🙂
Waiting for your response,