pondering

Live and let live!

 

It all started with my friends buying homes. We are not even in our 30s and thanks to big fat salaries, onsite opportunities and of course parents’ support guys and gals are taking a leap in life. They are able to enjoy achievements which our parents experienced in late 30s or 40s.

I remember when we were in our early 20s, the time when we had just started earning; we all were on the same page of thoughts. We strongly believed the “funda” that there is no use in buying house then renting it and paying EMIs which are much more higher compared to the rent.

(There was one mail forward which was in everyone’s inbox and explained the theory of “not buying home” really well. I will put it here once I find it.)

But then with time, things changed, priorities changed, concepts changed. Some people bought home because they wanted to while some bought because their parents wanted to.

All this made me question the basic funda I strongly believed in my 20s. Should I buy home and invest rather than spending the money how I want to? I again got caught up in following the “social definitions “of happiness and achievement.  Oh! You don’t know the 3 most known ways of happiness you say?

Here they are –

  1. Get married before 30 for guys and before 25 for girls.

It doesn’t matter if you are marrying a guy/gal you want to or are spending all your parent’s money in a big fat wedding (of course, your in laws wished/demanded/wanted it) or are even moving abroad or to a small town against your wish. You’ve got to maintain the timelines!

  1. Within a year or two of marriage, have a baby

Oh c’mon, you already got married late and now you want some time to settle in new family or spend some time with your husband to get to know him? Remember, live-in is not allowed in India so arranged and love marriages are the same at some level. Everyone needs time to understand their spouse before becoming responsible for a new life.

Well, all that is fine but if you are not having baby soon, you are missing on the most beautiful feeling of parenting and if you want to have a baby few years later, the feeling will not be the same! (Hope you get the sarcasm)

  1. Buy a house/property/plot

Okay. So you got married on time and want to wait for a child. Buy a house! Earlier you buy the house, the better.  Nowadays, that both partners earn, this is the best time to own a house. It is absolutely fine if you are lardly 15k in hand after paying all the EMIs, rent and bills. You don’t need to go for vacations or dine at exotic restaurants. Think ahead. You can live a lavish life at the age of 50 or may be after retirement. Oh don’t you worry; you won’t get any lifestyle diseases or hereditary diabetes or blood pressure at 50. You are surely going to live till 80! 🙂

Like the 3 basic needs defined for survival of human being, these are the three basic achievements in life. If you don’t do things “on time” that’s defined by relatives, family friends and parents, then kindly be ready for all the free ka advice, gossips about you and be the talk of the town!  If you do anything beyond this or spend money on anything else, you will be declared as spendthrift and a person/couple who does not value money or someone who has lots of money and don’t know how to manage. So, don’t dare and buy costly phones or cameras or go for quarterly vacations or buy costly clothes/watches/bags. In short, you have no right to decide on the way to spend the money YOU have earned.

In case you are not the one who spends on luxury and still have lots of money then buy gold. Get a locker in the bank; keep it all there till you are bed ridden. Then make a will and give it to your children.

I may have been too extreme in penning down the thoughts, but this is what I have observed and experienced in last few years.  Some may be first hand and some may not.I have never seen a center point where old and new school of thoughts matches. I or may be all of us work by logic. Convince us how you are right and then we will do it your way.  What irks me is people (family, family friends and relatives) don’t want discussions. They just want to impose their thoughts and experiences on the new generation and expect them to follow blindly.

Regarding the 3 achievements mentioned above, I think in below way.

  1. Get married before 30 for guys and before 25 for girls.

Timelines are fine and should be followed to the possible extent. However, if it is not happening in time, cool down. It’s okay.  Man is a social animal and naturally wants a partner to spend life with (unless and until someone has explicitly stated that they want to be alone). Give them the time; things will fall in to place when they have to.  Imposing wrong decisions is only going to ruin a person’s life and if you have little heart, you are going to regret all life.

  1. Within a year or two of marriage, have a baby

It’s a personal decision and only to be discussed and decided by husband and wife. PERIOD! People in late 20s are matured enough to take such decisions. Trust them!

  1. Buy a house/property/plot

Again, let people decide where, when and how they want to manage money. Suggestions are welcome but compulsion is not.

All I am saying is give everybody the freedom to learn, make mistakes and then come up strong. Parents spend all their life to teach children values, ethics and most importantly how to make decisions. So, now is the time for everybody to sit back, relax and see how their efforts are taking shape.

Times have changed. We have always read ‘Time is money’, now is the time to implement it. Seize the moment my friend  🙂 and of course in a way you want to  🙂 🙂

I have struggled a lot finding my spouse. (Let’s keep love story part for another blog) 2 years during the struggle, I made all attempts to keep people around me happy and content and behaved the way they wanted me to. Once I got married, I thought, now I am in my comfort zone.  At least now I can do things I wanted to do  in life. Finally I am with the partner with whom I want to share all the experiences, adventures and journeys. No more looking for a company, I have my own 😉

Now,if I am being told that I should save or have a baby or not spend much on vacations and trekking is a big NO NO!  Then when do I LIVE my life??  I am always going to be a daughter, wife , sister, daughter in law or mother! When do I get to be n the driver seat of my life???

So, 2016, I am going to be the driver this year. May be not for 365 days but for most possible days. Let’s read, travel, meet likeminded people, meet good old buddies, learn photography, and stay fit!

Amen!

 

p.s: I belong to Indian society and references mentioned in the post may not be relatable to cultures in other country.

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3 thoughts on “Live and let live!

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